The dating scene for those who are single or recently divorced can be a terrifying place what are the rules or unspoken nuances of sussing out someone who you are interested in..
So, I am going to be very open about my situation I am 49 and single with no children and recently my aunty said to me I have a number for you. I said: “A number for me” she said “Yes I number for you” and I said “What number” and she said: “A number for you” anyone it was one of those funny word playing battles of what are you trying to say moments, she had a number for me and then as the conversation progressed I started to put to and to together to think “Oh she has a number for me”.
She proceeded to mention how she met this great guy and he made her feel welcome and almost as if they had been friends for a long time, he visited with a very close family friend and so my aunty was a bit weary in the beginning but after meeting him it was like they were old pals anyway the penny dropped for me and I then realised what number she had for me anyway, I kept silent as I continued to listen to the story.
She proceeded to mention how he was single and she said to this gentlemen you need to speak to my niece well the penny had dropped and I knew right there and then what number she was speaking about a gentlemen’s number whom I won’t enclose his name I was like ooooh Ok so my aunty then went on to demonstrate her match making skills and I must say she was very persuasive and I thought to myself well what do I have to loss, absolutely nothing.
So I took Mr X number and since them we have had a few message exchanges and a lengthy phone call and I am open to getting to know this person and to be honest it’s the first time I have been set up in this way and so if he impressed my aunty well in my book he is already onto stage 2 in my books anyway, and so I thought what do I have to loss at this point and to be honest it was exciting and it save me paying for eharmony – well I wont run ahead of myself just yet but it was on my list of things to do this year and so watch this space.
Being a hopeless romantic I believe in love, and I believe in real honest connections, none of this fake, materialistic stuff just good old fashion love and company and haven experienced this love before in my search for Mr him I am creating the life I see in my future of a happily ever after I speak into this vision for myself and look forward to materialising it.
There are a few steps I take when getting to know someone, it worked well for me in the past and so I am taking it to another level and documenting my journey:
Be clear about the characteristic of the person:
Being clear on the characteristic is important, because you need to know what you want but what you need and what you want are two different things and having this listed is a great start otherwise how will you know if the person meets your match, being compatible is important on all level’s money, sex, personality traits, money habits, vision for the future, fitness and drive etc
Getting to know someone without intimacy:
I know this is where I might lose you all, but being a Christian I will not be intimate with anyone until I am ready and for me its important to get to know someone first otherwise who are they? How do you know their beliefs, ideology about money, do they have debt, do they want kids all these questions need to be talked about before you start rumbling around in the sheets. I am a firm believer in taking this person through a journey and during this time you need to be observant and you need to follow your instincts – which is God warning us of the dangers ahead and so take your time there is no rule on how long this part takes but just ask lots of questions, be observant and follow your gut you are normally right.
Step 1 – Character test
Make sure this person is right for you.
Step 2 – Meet clos family and friends
Create an inner circle who have to meet your potential partner to check them out first otherwise this is where you have relationships that past step 1 but then the person does not get on well with a family member and it is here that it all goes pear shaped.
Step 3 – Exclusive stages
At this stage lets be real honest here and say you maybe viewing other applicates up until now and that’s OK because it’s a big decision, we are bringing a new person with new energy into our life and they will either add or take away from us, and so this person who is coming into your life needs to allow you the space to be you, to grow to be free to express who you are and then you can come together and be a force together and so if they pass this stage then its time to go exclusively all in..
Ultimately – The no touching rule
Again, I may loss you here but I am a traditionalist and a Christian and so my views and morals stem from here and I uphold a no touching rule right up until this point, don’t get me wrong a clutched arm is nice as you walk down the road but for me no kissing, touching or sex otherwise good luck with trying to work out who this person actually is that you are about to invest your life with… nope, I don’t have time to waste I’m afraid and the no touching rule means you can have a clear head when it comes to accessing who is in front of you..
